To Love Forever
by Chaleureuse
Summary: This is an A/U in which Tamahome was not reborn into Miaka's world. Mostly from Miaka's P.O.V. You might want to skip this if you're an avid Tamahome/Miaka fan. Slight angst, spoilers for manga 13.


Hi there. This is dedicated to a dear friend who LOVES Soi-Nakago and Miaka-Tamahome romances. You know who you are. Anyway, happy Birthday, Shi Hui! This is a what-if situation in which Suzaku did not grant Miaka's last wish. Spoilers for manga 13. This fic totally disregards manga 14 -18. Ha!

Disclaimers: Fushigi Yuugi and its characters are the brainchild of Watase Yuu, and no infringement is meant. This is a work by fans, for fans, so don't sue me!

To Love Forever

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~ By Char ~

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"Tamahome, I believe, we'll meet again, someday." 

One year had passed since she left the Shijintenchishou. 

One year. 

One year of clinging on to that belief, one year of waiting, of hoping, and feeling the emptiness gnaw at her heart.

Looking to her left, she saw Yui and Tetsuya, laughing together. 

Together. 

She smiled wistfully. Oh, she was happy for her friend, but she couldn't help but feel a tiny bit of jealousy. 

That could have been Tamahome and herself.

Tamahome. 

Where was he? What became of their promise to meet again?

"Tamahome…I am thinking of you. Are you doing the same?" she whispered to the sky as a tear slipped out of her eye.

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"Keisuke, do you think Tamahome and I will ever be reunited?" 

Keisuke winced. He had never seen Miaka so vulnerable. 

"Of course. He loves you. You'll definitely meet again." There was no conviction in his voice.

"Definitely…" Miaka echoed. 

His heart sank as he looked into her eyes. Devoid of all light and feeling. An abyss, like the one her soul was in danger of falling into. The only thing that was keeping her from falling in, was the belief that she and Tamahome would be reunited.

And that belief would not last long.

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"Tamahome, I believe, we'll meet again, someday." 

Two years, since they made the promise. 

Two years of fiddling with her wedding ring, of staring into peoples' faces, to see if any of them resembled Tamahome, of imagining what life would be like when they met again. 

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"I'll love you forever." 

It was a promise she took very seriously.

"Miaka, please, forget Tamahome. Stop clinging on to a useless belief!" Keisuke shouted at her, exasperated.

Forget Tamahome…? 

She smiled sadly.

"Onii-san, the first time I loved…I loved forever."

Silence.

Then she spoke again.

"Onii-san, does that mean I have one more wish left?"

Sigh.

"I suppose so— What are you thinking of doing, Miaka?!"

"Kaijin."

Keisuke jumped back as Miaka was bathed in an all-too-familiar red light.

"Show me the remaining Suzaku Sichi Seishi in the Shijintenchishou."

Images appeared on the wall in her room. They seemed to have aged some twenty years since she last saw them.

Chichiri was still wearing that mask and carrying his staff, on his lonely travels again, but Tasuki was with his family and not the bandits. That came as a surprise to her. 

And Tamahome…

Tamahome was staring at the night sky intently, but he was not alone. Xifang was with him, helping him identify constellations. Then he turned to smile at her, a gentle smile that spoke a thousand words…of happiness and peace. 

And love. 

She heard a resounding crack echo in her mind as the image of Tamahome and herself laughing together, carved in glass, shattered into a million pieces.

He chose to live for himself, to appreciate every single day that he could live in, while she…

She chose to live for him, to wait till the day they would meet again.

He opened his heart to love again.

She cut herself off from the world, lost in the memories of the past.

The red light faded, together with the images of the Sichi Seishi.

She reached out to the images, trying to keep them with her but it was trying to keep water in her hands. 

"The first time I loved, I forgot how to live…"

The world around her spun and turned black as her soul curled up in its shell and died.

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"Tamahome, I believe, we'll meet again, someday." 

Ten years.

Ten years had passed, and yet the promise still burned in her mind, setting her soul on fire.

Not the flames of love that had warmed her heart in the Shijintenchishou, but the raging inferno of hurt, disappointment and, mostly, truth, threatening to burn her into ashes.

The sharp, intense pain was gone, only to be replaced by a dull throbbing. The wounds had healed, leaving only scars on her soul.

Keisuke had been angry by Tamahome's lack of loyalty, but she knew better.

There had been no betrayal. Tamahome…

Tamahome had simply chosen to live. She couldn't blame him for doing so.

She had been the foolish one.

She hadn't trusted herself to love since then. Keisuke wasn't too pleased with that and was busy setting her up with some of his friends. It was the fifth blind date so far. 

She shook her head ruefully. Why she kept letting herself be goaded into all those dates was beyond her. Perhaps she wanted to pacify her brother. Or perhaps she wanted to amuse herself.

Or perhaps she wanted a chance to love again, to open up and experience the risk, the thrill, and the pain.

Perhaps…

Perhaps she just wanted to love forever.

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~ End ~

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Wha…what was I writing? 0_o Oh, my poor aching head…

So how was it? Depressing? Terrible?

All Miaka/Tamahome fans, please, don't kill me… ;_;

All comments and criticisms are welcome and can be sent to [weirdgirl85@hotmail.com][1]. All flames will be sent to the fire-eater in the circus, so don't waste your time.

   [1]: mailto:weirdgirl85@hotmail.com



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